


Blue Lace

by kerilewallen



Category: The Moody Blues (Band)
Genre: Band Fic, F/M, Musicians, RPF
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-07
Updated: 2014-10-13
Packaged: 2018-02-20 07:51:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 19,983
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2420918
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kerilewallen/pseuds/kerilewallen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The sequel to "White Satin," this little tale involves John falling in love with the woman he'd seen at Justin's wedding, and what transpires afterwards.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Late January 1994 Cobham, Surrey, England

Chapter One 

He walked along the row of chairs, hands jammed in the pockets of worn jeans as he made his way to where the others were sitting. Lazily he sprawled his long frame across one old cushy theater chair and propped one booted foot on the seat in front of him. 

“Nothing like being late, Lodge,” Justin muttered. 

“Awe, lighten up, Legs. I’m here, aren’t I? Besides,” he looked around, “I don’t see your old lady anywhere, either.” 

Justin merely lifted a brow at his friend and shook his head with exasperation. “Jill’s here. Been here for an hour, in fact.” 

“Where is she, then?” John didn’t see the lovely brunette anywhere in sight. 

“Right here, John,” Jill said pleasantly from behind him, a grin breaking out on her face when John jumped almost out of his skin. “Just helping backstage with a few preparations.” She stepped over the seats and settled herself next to the long lanky blond who was her husband, getting a firm kiss and a hug from him before both settled comfortably back in the seats. Justin motioned to the tour manager, who nodded nervously and waved to the backstage area. 

Tracy Graham, the one remaining back-up singer that the Moodies had, walked out and positioned herself in front of the microphone. She pushed a few strands of hair back from her face as she shrugged at the band members sitting in the second row of the auditorium. They all shrugged back, Graeme making comical faces at her and getting a soft chuckle from the attractive brunette who had been with them for several years. 

John noted absently that Jill suddenly leaned forward, that Justin gave her a soothing pat on the shoulder. _What the hell was going on?_ he thought. _Just another audition, in a long line of ‘em lately_. Plenty of talent had crossed that stage over the past couple of days, but there had not been one that had “clicked”... that had the special something that it took to back up the Moody Blues with success. 

He yawned, his eyes shutting briefly as he leaned his head back against the seat. _The hell with even acting interested,_ he thought as he propped the other booted foot up and stretched his arms back behind his head, missing entirely the look of admonishment he got from Jillian. He heard a few murmurs up on the stage, then a soft count by Tracy. 

Suddenly his eyes flew wide open at the beauty of the voice that washed over him and he sat upright as he gazed up at the stage. _Dear God,_ he thought wildly, taking in the woman standing next to Tracy. _Couldn’t be, could it? Not after all these months._

He leaned forward, taking in her soft, long, shining dark hair, the way she let it tumble around her face, her large, expressive china blue eyes. _Damn, she was as beautiful as he remembered her to be,_ he thought, a shiver going through him as her strong alto voice washed over him. He drew in a breath sharply then let it out, feeling himself start to tremble all over. 

“You all right?” Justin muttered at him, blinking at the glazed look he got from his friend. John shrugged then returned his attention back to the woman on the stage. 

“Who is she?” he muttered under his breath. _Three months,_ he thought, his hands clenching into the arms of the seat. Three long months of not knowing who she was or where she had went. His heart slammed into his chest as he continued to gaze at her, not caring if she could read his facial expression or not. _Hell with that,_ he thought savagely. _He’d done too much hiding in the past years and he’d paid for it dearly. Never again,_ he decided. 

Somewhere in the back of his mind the fact that her vocals blended in perfectly with Tracy’s registered. _Good,_ the business side of him thought as the two women went into one song after another. Occasionally Tracy would turn to offer the other woman a smile of delight, getting a more nervous one in return. _No need to be nervous, love,_ John thought caressingly, letting his eyes slide over her curves again. Even beneath the oversized silk shirt and leggings she wore it was plain that she was built where it counted-all over. 

As she finished singing John started to stand, then thought better of it. _He didn’t need her to see that,_ he thought, taking a few deep breaths until his desire went from a fire nearly ready to blaze into a comfortable warm feeling that he could deal with. Slowly he stood up with the others, blinking when Jillian climbed up onto the stage and gave the woman a hug. 

“Danielle! I told you that you could do it!” Jill exclaimed, getting a sheepish shrug in return. Jill turned with the woman to face them and for a second John blinked, taking in the way that they both had the same smile, the same upturn to the nose, the same... 

“I think she’ll do, don’t you?” Justin said softly. John nodded, feeling that if they’d said no he would’ve had to found some kind of an excuse to keep her around. 

“Yeah, she’ll do just fine,” John replied, stepping forward from the shadows to climb up onto the stage, his booted heels ringing on the wooden floor as he approached her. He watched her eyes take him in, then blink with recognition before she looked nervously away from him. “What’s your name, love?” he asked quietly, feeling the others come up to join them. He watched her give him that nervous look again and he frowned, then wiped it away and gave her a grin he hoped would warm her up. 

“John, this is my sister, Danielle McNeil.” Jill had watched the entire byplay, her eyes slightly narrowed at the way that big, virile John was eyeing her older sister. _If that wasn’t desire she’d eat her high heels_. “Danielle, this is John Lodge, bassist.” 

“Pleased to meet you,” Danielle said softly, forcing herself to smile up at the man who was gazing at her with a look she couldn’t quite read, as flustered as she was. _Goodness, he was big!_ she thought, taking in the broad shoulders, the heavier, more muscular build he had as opposed to the long lankiness of Jill’s husband. Belatedly she let her eyes drift over him, noting the headful of dark blond curls mixed with gray, the lines around his eyes... and those eyes! Almost olive in tone, they seemed to delve right into her. John was somewhere in his late forties, she guessed, and absolutely sexier than hell. 

Suddenly those eyes twinkled at her and she felt herself grow warm, everything tightening inside of her as she turned away to look at her sister while the others chatted around her. She heard mention of rehearsals, of the fact that the tour was starting in the States in a few weeks, beginning with Lake Tahoe, of all places! _Nothing like getting broke right in,_ she thought, her head swimming at the thought of playing Caesar’s Palace her first time out. The one comfort she had was that Jill would be a mere few feet away from her on the stage. 

She watched as Justin leaned over to give Jill a kiss on the cheek and for a moment she grew wistful inside. _What she would give to have a love like that in her life,_ she thought, taking how happy her younger sister was. _Then again, with what had happened the last time..._

“Penny for your thoughts, love.” Danielle jumped slightly as John’s voice broke into her reverie. Slowly she turned to look back at him again, taking in the searching, thoughtful look he was giving her before he broke into a smile. _Oh, darn, did he have to do that?_ she thought. That was a smile that would charm the birds from the trees. 

“Just thinking of everything ahead of me,” she said softly. “All the work, rehearsals, everything.” She waved her hands expressively as she spoke, making his grin widen slightly. 

“Nervous about it?” 

“Wouldn’t you be?” 

He chuckled, his eyes twinkling warmly at her. “I suppose I would. Tell you what. I’ll buy you tea and you can tell me all about it.” 

Buy her tea? “I-I can’t.” As he blinked at her she added, “I need to call my son and let him know the good news and...” He held up a hand to stop her, his smile suddenly gentle. 

“I understand, especially about kids. How old is he?” 

“Thirteen.” 

The smile widened. “Then you definitely need to call your son. That’s a pretty sensitive age, you know.” 

For a long moment Danielle held his gaze, feeling something stir inside of her as she took in the warmth in his eyes. _He wasn’t faking the understanding,_ she realized, feeling a lazy warmth creep through her. For a moment his eyes narrowed and she shivered at the flicker of heat he gave her before his eyes started to twinkle again. 

“Some other time then, perhaps?” Had she said that? 

“Definitely some other time,” was his soft reply as he lifted his hand as though to touch her, then let it drop as she turned to walk away. The longing within him sharpened and he shuddered, suddenly wondering why everything hurt inside. His gaze followed her as she walked down the aisle of the auditorium, presumable heading for the lobby. _That conversation hadn’t helped a bit,_ he thought desperately. It was though he was a starving man only allowed a few bites of a feast that had been laid out before him. 

_What he would give to at least be able to sit and talk with her,_ he thought, shaking his head. 

“So, what did you think?” Justin had come to stand next to him, his expression unreadable as he gazed at his best friend. John seemed to blink, then stirred a bit and gave Justin a peculiar look. 

“Lovely. Just lovely.” 

“What? The talent or the lady herself?” 

John let out a low chuckle. “Both.” 

“Seems to run in the family.” 

“Yeah, tell me about it.” 

“Rocker?” 

“Yeah?” 

"Go slow, okay? I don’t want to see her hurt.” 

“Protective already?” 

“Uh, huh.” 

“I plan to go slow.” 

“Good.” 

“That’s coming from the man who would’ve shagged his lady at the first meeting if the rest of us hadn’t been there.” 

A snort, then, “Yeah. Don’t follow my bad example, Rocker.” 

“There’s always the hand, I guess.” 

“Worked for me.” 

They both laughed softly, Justin’s laughter drifting off as Jillian moved to talk to Tracy. John took in the way that his friend gazed at his wife, his blue eyes suddenly going unfocused and dazed, then hungry. _Bet Justin kept Jill flat on her back a lot,_ John thought with bemusement as his friend murmured something to him, then walked over to Jill and slid an arm around her, pulling her gently away from Tracy and bending to whisper in her ear. Jillian gave him a shocked look then a giggle came from her as her husband led her off the stage, presumably for some backstage room. John caught Tracy’s eye and they both shrugged then laughed. 

_Must be nice,_ John thought as he stepped down the stage steps to walk up the aisle, feeling the ache of loneliness grow with each step that he took. _If only he’d been home more in the past couple of decades,_ he thought unhappily. God knows he didn’t blame Kirsten for wanting out of the marriage when she did. There was only so much he could expect a woman to take, so much of being alone that she could stand. With Emily and Kristian grown there hadn’t been any reason for the marriage to stay together once the love was gone. 

_He wasn’t going to make that mistake a second time,_ he thought as he walked outside and paused in the center of the sidewalk, taking in the quaint surroundings that made up Cobham, Surrey. _A few more weeks and he’d be back in the States,_ he thought, feeling his body tense up inside in anticipation of the tour ahead. Only maybe, just maybe this time he wouldn’t be so damned alone. 

* * *

_Buzz._

Justin groaned softly and turned over, letting his body come up against the warmth of his wife’s, his hands automatically starting to roam over her as he blinked himself awake. She moaned and turned into him, getting a low growl from him as he pressed her back into the mattress. 

_Buzz._

Justin felt the sleep leave his brain as he turned to glare at the source of the offending noise. As it buzzed again he muttered an expletive and reached for the nightstand to hit the intercom button, feeling Jillian as she slid out from under him and reached for her robe. _Wonderful,_ he thought glumly as he punched the button. 

“What the hell is it?” he muttered into the speaker. 

There was a brief silence, then the voice of the housekeeper as she told him that Mr. Lodge was downstairs. _Lodge?_ Justin thought muzzily, swearing again softly and getting an admonishment from Jill. _What the hell did Lodge want at that hour?_ He ground out a reply and rolled out of bed, reaching for his pajama bottoms and robe. As he moved towards the door Jill started to join him, only to get a firm grip on her arm as he yanked her to him. 

"On one condition,” he said huskily, slanting a wicked grin at her. 

"Which is?” 

“That you figure on being back up here after I get rid of him.” 

“I think that’s one condition I can live with.” 

John looked up as the couple descended the stairs, smothering a grin at the annoyed expression in Justin’s eyes. _Interrupted... again,_ he thought with amusement as Justin abruptly dismissed the housekeeper and waved John into the sitting room. Jill nodded a sleepy greeting to him and murmured something about a cup of coffee as she left for the kitchen. 

“Dammit, Rocker, at this hour it had better be good.” 

“It’s morning, Legs.” 

“Yeah, that it is.” 

“Well, sorry to have interrupted you. Again. You know something?” 

“What?” Justin made a sullen face as he sprawled across the sofa and dug tiredly at his eyes. 

“Would it have mattered if it had been the afternoon? Or the evening? Hell, I can’t count how many times I’ve interrupted you two. Shit, I think all you two do when we’re not on tour is shag. I think if you could figure out how to do it during concerts you would.” 

“Jealous of my abilities, Lodge?” 

“Fuck off, Hayward.” 

Both men chuckled as John sat in the chair across from his best friend and propped his feet up on the ottoman. _He loved being in Justin’s home,_ he thought as he drank in the warm surroundings and the obvious happiness that went with it. _This was a home full of love and laughter,_ he thought wistfully as Jill walked in, the housekeeper right behind her with a tray. Jill murmured something to the woman then settled herself next to her husband, yawning sleepily as the housekeeper poured them all coffee before retreating into the hallway. 

“So, what brings you here this morning, John?” Jillian asked pleasantly as she leaned into Justin, getting a caress in return. John shrugged sheepishly then grinned. 

“I’m here under false pretexts.” 

“I’ll bet you are,” Justin muttered. 

“I’m... oh, hell, I was wondering if Danielle was around?” 

“Well, shit, did you have to drag us out of bed for that?” Justin took delight in the way that his friend seemed to squirm in his chair. “Just drag her out of bed instead, Rocker. It’s not me you’re wanting to court, you know.” 

“Court?” Jillian looked at Justin, then at John, then back at her husband again. “That’s interesting...” 

“With nothing but the best intentions, I assure you,” John said hastily as Danielle’s sister got to her feet. _Oh, God, now what?_ he thought as she moved to stand over him, her expression unreadable. For a long second she held his gaze, then suddenly broke into a grin and leaned over to give him a light kiss, making him jump before he returned the embrace. 

"Just take good care of her, okay?” he heard her murmur softly to him. She stood upright just as her husband came up behind her. 

“Fine. We’ll leave you to figure out...” Justin began. 

“Am I interrupting anything?” 

John felt his heart stop, then do a leap in his chest as Danielle moved from the doorway to join the group. _Unlike her sister and brother-in-law, Danielle looked as though she was ready to face the day,_ he thought, pleased to see that she was a morning person like he was. 

“Not at all,” he said as he got to his feet, offering her a warm smile as he did so. She seemed to hesitate, then returned the smile, a flush creeping over her cheeks as John’s eyes began twinkling at her. He barely took notice when the Haywards murmured something and left the room, presumably for upstairs. None of that mattered when the woman he loved was standing right in front of him. 

“What was that all about?” Danielle asked softly, shaking her head. “Did I forget my deodorant or something?” 

John chuckled and shook his head. “No. I think they know that I came by to see you, not them.” 

“You did?” Danielle felt her heart thud in her chest as he continued to gaze at her warmly. “Why?” 

“I thought I might show you around a bit,” was his response. “You know, show you the sights and all? I’m willing to bet that neither of those two has done that yet.” 

“Well, as a matter of fact, they haven’t,” she admitted reluctantly, knowing that she was opening a door for him to get closer to her. _There was something very special about him,_ she thought, feeling her heartstrings tug at her as he continued to shower her with such warmth as she’d never known before. _Something very warm and caring._

“Lots of things I can show you. Bet you’ve never been to Threshold, right?” 

“Threshold? Well, Justin said something about taking me there to sign a contract...” 

“Oh, God. You can’t be part of the Moody family without seeing Threshold, love.” He extended his hand to her and she hesitated, feeling herself tighten up inside. _Trust._ He was asking her to trust him. 

“Yeah, why not?” she murmured, walking past him, forcing herself not to look at him and missing entirely the flash of hurt in his eyes. He followed her into the foyer, watching in silence as she threw on her coat and rapidly buttoned it up. 

“Threshold it is, then,” he said softly, jamming his hands into his jeans pockets as he swallowed, hard. _What would it take to penetrate that wall?_ he wondered. _And, what had erected it to begin with?_ Wordlessly he followed her outside, standing back helplessly as she opened the car door to his Mercedes and got into the passenger side, her expression unreadable. _Lovely,_ he thought, grinding his teeth in frustration as he got in next to her and started the car. 

"Threshold, then tea,” he said, getting a sharp look from her. “Hey, the tour will have a price, you know,” he said teasingly. 

“I should have known.” Nevertheless, her expression softened a bit and she settled back into the leather seats as he pulled the car down the drive and through the iron gates that kept the Hayward estate closed off from the rest of the town. _Certainly was lovely there,_ Danielle thought as she let herself drink in the beautiful rolling terrain that surrounded them while John drove them from Kingston to Cobham, a few minutes away. She had to admit she had never seen such a beautiful country like England. 

Once in front of Threshold Records John insisted on getting out first and holding the passenger door open for her, waving her out with a sweep of his arm and a charming smile that sent shivers down her spine. _Who could resist that?_ she thought as his green eyes twinkled warmly at her. He led her down the alley next to the old store in which lay Threshold Records and the headquarters for the Moody Blues, stopping at a side door and opening it. 

“This way, my lady,” he said with a bow, getting a giggle from her in spite of herself. _Okay, he was most definitely charming,_ she decided, forcing herself not to flinch when he linked his elbow through hers and escorted her inside. She caught the faint whiff of his aftershave, felt the warmth of his arm linked through hers, and lazy warmth stole through her. Inadvertently she let her eyes flicker sideways at him, taking in his strong, handsome features, the curly mane that tumbled around his face, and the overall blatantly male way he handled himself, as though it was no big deal to him that he was so utterly sexy and masculine. 

Suddenly she found herself staring into a set of amused green eyes and she blushed furiously, getting a gentle smile from him as he lifted his hand to let his fingertips graze her cheek. “That’s okay, love,” he said softly. “I’ve found myself looking at you quite a bit, too.” 

“Oh.” Now she was absolutely furiously red, she thought, shivering when his fingertips slid up and down her cheek. For some reason that actually felt good, she thought, her eyes widening slightly. _Why wasn’t she recoiling from him?_ She held his gaze, feeling the tingle from his fingertips slide down her body, making her nipples draw and tighten. _Dear God,_ she thought, feeling her heart start to race. _All he had done was caress her face..._

The sound of someone clearing a throat made them both break out of the reverie. Too bad, Danielle thought, suddenly wishing that he hadn’t stopped touching her like that. _Never had a man treated her so reverently,_ she thought, holding his gaze for one more long moment before he finally blinked and turned to the woman behind the desk who was grinning at the two of them. 

“Good morning, Mr. Lodge,” she said pleasantly, that sly smile still playing on her face as John escorted Danielle to the desk. 

“Good morning, Ivy,” he replied pleasantly. “This is Danielle McNeil, the new backup. Danielle, this is Ivy Stewart, our secretary.” 

“Lovely to meet you, Miss McNeil,” Ivy said as she got to her feet and extended her hand out to Danielle. 

“Danielle, please. I’m not real keen on formality,” Danielle told her as she accepted the blonde woman’s handshake before she let her gaze slide around the room. _Goodness,_ she thought, taking in all the photographs, all the paintings, drawings, letters that were framed, gifts from fans that lined the walls, awards. John let her stand for a moment, grinning at the astonishment written all over her face. 

“My goodness,” she breathed as she walked over to one wall that was full of pictures. “Oh my! Is that you?” A giggle escaped her as John came up next to her, peered at the picture she was pointing at, then began to chuckle. 

“Yeah, that’s me, all right,” he replied, letting his arm drape around her shoulders. “About twenty-five years ago, I’d say.” 

“At least.” He looked so young! she thought, taking in the cheerful expression in the young man’s eyes, the shaggy light brown hair, and how thin he was. He didn’t look anything like that now, she decided as she stole a glance at John, then looked back at the picture again. “You’ve changed over the years,” she commented. 

“Is that good or bad, love?” 

“Uhmmm...” She looked hard at him again, then back at the picture, then back at him. “No question about it.” 

“What?” 

“Definitely for the better.” 

He grinned at her and raked his fingers through his hair. “Definitely getting a bit gray, don’t you think?” 

“Yeah, but gray hair looks good on men.” 

“Not the skinny kid I was before, either.” He cast a morose look down at his stomach and gave a tug at his shirt. 

“Love handles are just something to hang onto.” 

Immediately she gasped, then blushed as his grin widened at her, those green eyes twinkling saucily at her. “Yeah, I guess you’re right there, too,” he said mischievously, watching with unhidden delight as her blush crawled from her neckline to her forehead. _God, he loved it when she did that,_ he thought. _So endearing._ She lowered her eyes and turned away from him, still flushed as she moved down the row of pictures and memorabilia. 

“And this,” he led her through a door towards the back, “is my office.” 

“All yours, huh?” 

“Well, Justin has one and the other two aren’t interested in day-to-day operations, so yeah... it’s all mine.” 

“Oh, quite the businessman, huh?” Danielle took in the warm surroundings, the old antique oak desk at one end, the rows and rows of books, awards on the walls, framed memorabilia from fans. Slowly she walked around behind the desk and caught the pictures of two teenagers, a boy and a girl. “Your kids?” 

“Yeah. Emily and Kristian. They’re a bit older now. Guess I need new pictures, huh?” 

“Oh, I don’t know.” Emily had the sweet, wholesome looks that brought to mind the English countryside and a walk through a field of heather. Kristian, on the other hand, bore a strong resemblance to his father. _Good looking, both of them._ “Nice family you have there,” she said softly, enjoying the way that he swelled with pride. 

“Yeah, don’t I know it?” 

“You like kids, don’t you?” 

“Love ‘em.” He watched her as she fingered the leather on his antique desk chair. “Have a seat, love. Then tell me about your son once you get comfortable.” 

“Is that an order?” She lifted a brow at him, the corners of her lips tugging at a repressed smile. 

“Nah. Just a nicely worded request.” 

She chuckled in spite of herself and sank into the chair, enjoying the feel of the worn leather against her as John disappeared into the hallway and returned moments later with two cups of coffee, wordlessly sitting one in front of her before he settled himself on one corner of the desk, placing himself about a foot away from her. _Oh, goodness,_ she thought, taking note of the way his jeans drew more tightly across his lower half. She covered her ogling with a sip of coffee, pretending to shut her eyes and yet... _oh, my,_ she thought, hoping she wasn’t blushing. _He certainly filled out his jeans,_ she realized, feeling a warm tingle go through her. 

“So, tell me about your son.” 

She blinked and brought her eyes back up to his face, praying that the amusement she saw there was only her imagination. “My son?” 

“Yeah. You know, the kid you called instead of having tea with me yesterday?” 

“Oh, that kid.” He chuckled softly and she joined in, reaching for her purse and billfold. “You mean this one?” She opened her billfold, hesitated, then pulled out a photograph and handed it to John, watching him as his eyes narrowed, then widened ever so slightly. 

“Beautiful child,” he said softly, taking in the almost angelic features, the shiny dark brown hair, and the widest, largest blue eyes he’d ever seen. Something was different, though. Something he couldn’t quite place lay behind those eyes, something that he couldn’t figure out. 

“Beautiful,” he repeated. “What’s his name?” 

“Matthew.” She hesitated before continuing, taking in the uncertainty in John’s eyes as he gazed at the photograph. “He has autism, John, in case you were wondering...” 

“Why the look in his eyes was so different? Yeah, I was wondering. He looks,” John paused for a second, “as though he’s in his own world.” 

“A lot of times he is,” Danielle replied quietly. “He’s better than most... at least he can talk and he does well in school.” 

“I’ve heard that can be pretty tough on the parents.” He watched a resigned expression cross her features as she took another sip of coffee. 

“It can be, although some handle it better than others.” The last was finished on a bitter tone that made his eyes narrow slightly. 

“Your ex-husband?” 

“Yes. He couldn’t...” She cut off her sentence abruptly and looked away from him, making his heart wrench inside as he gazed at her. _What he would give to take away the pain he’d seen in her eyes before she’d turned away,_ he thought, taking in a deep breath as he forced himself to be steady. 

“I’m sorry,” he finally murmured, reaching out to grasp her hands in his. For a second he thought she was going to pull away then she relaxed her hands in his and brought her pain-filled gaze back up to his again. 

“All my son ever wants is to be accepted like everyone else, and not even his own father...” Tears spilled from her lashes and he groaned inwardly, feeling a slow, burning anger well up in the back of his subconscious somewhere. Couldn’t let her see it, he thought, reaching down to cup her cheeks in his broad hands. 

“Don’t do this to yourself, love.” He slid off of the desk and knelt in front of her, the pads of his thumbs brushing away her tears. “It’s not your fault.” 

“So hard to do this alone.” 

“I know.” 

He gently wound his arms around her and brought her up against him, letting his head come to rest against hers. Danielle stiffened briefly, then forced herself to relax against him. There was nothing sexual in the way he was holding her, she realized as she snuggled down further against him. Just strong, steady comfort. 

“You know, when Matt was diagnosed Dale blamed me. Said I was a lousy mother and all. Never mind that research said parenting has nothing to do with the cause of Matt’s disability.” 

“You’re a good mother, love,” John said gently. She tipped her head back to gaze at him, her expression puzzled. 

“How do you know?” 

“I can tell by your concern and love for your son. By the way you chose a phone call to a boy in the States over tea with a rock star.” Mischief flickered in his eyes and she found herself smiling. 

“I hated leaving him behind, you know. But with school and all... he does better if his routine isn’t disrupted.” 

“Who has him now?” 

“One of my brothers. Mark’s single and loves Matt to pieces.” 

“He’s in good hands, then.” 

“Yes, he is.” 

John leaned forward and dropped a soft kiss on her forehead, making a tingle go down her spine. “So, see,” he kissed her temple lightly, “you’re looking out for his well-being.” Another kiss, this time on her cheek as his lips brushed away her tears. Another tingle swept through Danielle and she sighed, letting her arms slide around him as his lips neared hers. A soft moan came from her when he brushed his mouth across hers, the results giving her a sensation like she’d never known before. He drew in a shuddering breath, then kissed her again, letting the contact linger this time as he rotated his head above hers. 

“Danielle,” he muttered against her mouth as he let his hands slide up and down her back, caressing her gently. _She felt so good against him,_ he thought, feeling the longing for her sharpen as he continued to hold her. He felt her press into him, felt her shiver and realized that she was not unaffected by what he was doing to her. He let himself kiss her again, only this time his tongue tentatively sought hers, coaxing her to respond likewise. When she did they both let out a sigh, her hands sliding up to tangle in his shaggy hair as the kiss deepened. 

Suddenly Danielle felt a jolt go through her and she recoiled, snapping backwards into her chair, her eyes wide as she struggled to catch her breath. John reeled, blinking as he struggled to catch his composure. _What the hell had happened?_ he thought, trying to gaze into her eyes and failing as she turned away. 

“Danielle, what...” 

“Nothing,” she muttered as she continued to move away from him, getting to her feet. “So, how about that tea that you promised me?” she asked brightly, not looking at him and missing entirely the look of desperation that was written across his features. He jammed his hands into his pockets nervously and nodded, following her as she walked out of his office. _Dear God, what had went wrong... and why?_ he thought wildly, wishing he could dismiss the pain that clutched at his heart as he followed her out into the main office of Threshold Records.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

Danielle sagged tiredly into the old, overstuffed sofa and stretched out her feet, groaning at the ache that promptly screamed through her arches as she did so. Tracy had strongly suggested that she rehearse in high heels because of the fact that they wore them onstage and she had been doing so. Every single day she wound up wishing she hadn’t. _The price of fame and fortune,_ she thought glumly, not to mention having to look totally sexy on stage. _Never let it be said that her bosses were sexist in any fashion,_ she thought with a wry grin, recalling the wardrobe she was being fitted with, as well. _Tight spandex dresses? Good grief,_ she thought with disgust. No matter that her sister always wore leather and spandex on the stage... at least that was her outfit by choice. She was willing to bet that her brother-in-law wasn’t complaining. 

“Why such a frown, love?” 

John stood over her, wearing such a look of warmth and tenderness that she nearly sighed aloud. Ever since that day when she’d pulled away from him he hadn’t touched her once, but instead seemed to appear magically just when she felt in need to talk to someone, or sometimes even to just bring her a cup of coffee or a glass of water. It was almost embarrassing to have him give her that kind of attention, yet for some reason she couldn’t bring herself to ask him to stop. Truth be known, she actually enjoyed it, she admitted to herself, even after she’d vowed to never, ever let herself become dependent on a man for anything. She couldn’t help it where John was concerned, though. 

“Why such a frown? For one thing my feet hurt from wearing those blasted high heels,” was her annoyed reply as she stretched out her feet again and groaned. “Whose brilliant idea was it, anyway, for the backup singers to wear four-inch heels onstage? A man’s, obviously.” 

John chuckled softly and settled himself on the sofa next to her, leaving a discreet distance between himself and her as he did so. “Got to look dynamite for the audience,” he teased softly, getting a glare from her. “Oh, come on. You’re not the only one dressing for the opposite sex up there. Wait until you see Justin’s wardrobe. He wears all that loose romantic stuff that the American women go daft over.” 

“I’ve seen Justin’s wardrobe, but I thought he was dressing for comfort.” 

John began to laugh heartily, shaking his head all the while. “No, no, no... he enjoys all those swooning women at his feet, believe me.” 

“And you don’t.” Danielle repressed a grin as his eyes twinkled with mischief. 

“Perish the thought.” 

“Uh, huh,” she replied with a smile, settling herself against one corner of the sofa and stretching her legs out slightly along it, coming within inches of having her feet in his lap. “If only having to look ‘dynamite’ didn’t involve pain in the process.” 

“Here. Allow me.” He pulled her feet into his lap, watching her face for any sign of a flinch. To his relief, she didn’t pull back, although she was eyeing him warily. “Now, this won’t hurt a bit,” he said teasingly as he removed her shoes and set them on the floor. “Just lay back and enjoy it,” he coaxed, running his fingertips along the tops of her nylon-covered feet. “Just relax...” 

Danielle let her eyes close as he began massaging the balls of her feet in slow, gentle circles that seemed to work away the tension with each touch. _Oh, the man was good with his hands,_ she thought, sighing as he worked his way up her toes, then down the arches. _It was working, too,_ she realized, feeling the pain slowly ease as he took turns rotating each ankle. She should have known that somebody who spent a lot of time on his feet would know how to help. 

His hands slid up her ankles to her calves, stopping only where her leggings started just below the knees as he slid down the sofa and let her legs rest across his lap. _She was too relaxed to protest,_ she realized as he massaged her calves in long, lazy, penetrating strokes that she felt clear up to her inner thighs. She drew in a breath sharply, and then relaxed, willing herself not to shudder when she felt dampness spring from between her thighs. _Arousal? Was that what it felt like to be aroused?_ His fingertips slid down to her ankles and back again, sending another tingle through her. _Definitely,_ she thought, a tiny moan coming from her as that tingle slid up her torso to her breasts, making her nipples come erect. 

“Like that, love?” 

“Y-yeah.” 

As he paused she blinked her eyes open to find herself gazing into the uncertainty in his green eyes. “John, what...” 

“Better now?” He suddenly moved away from her and rose to his feet, swiftly turning away but not before Danielle caught the outline of his arousal through his snug jeans. He walked swiftly over to the drinking fountain at the end of the hallway and bent over it, obviously giving himself time to recover, she thought, feeling miserable at the idea. It was a shame he had to feel that he couldn’t show her he was turned on. _Her fault,_ she thought unhappily, _with all the stop signs she kept erecting._

“Yes, much, thank you,” she finally said as she stood up and reached for her shoes, eyeing the heels with disdain as she did so. “Give me Nikes or give me death,” she joked in an effort to bring the light back in his eyes. It worked, for immediately he chuckled softly as he straightened from the fountain, then stretched lazily, his expression that of relief. 

“Well, get your Nikes and let me take you out somewhere.” As she hesitated he added, “Hands off. I promise.” 

_But did she really want that from him?_ She repressed a groan and nodded at him, her heart swelling at the look of joy in his eyes. _It meant that much to him for her just be near him,_ she realized, feeling a bit of that wall she’d erected around her heart crumble a bit. She extended her hand to him and he hesitated, uncertainty written all over his features before he grasped her hand in his and swept her to her feet. 

Once in the pub across the street they sat next at a table next to the wide window that overlooked Threshold. Outside it was snowing, which John had told her was not something they usually got a lot of. For a wistful moment Danielle longed for home. _If only Matt hadn’t needed to be in school so badly,_ she thought, thinking of how much her son loved snow. She let out another sigh and got a smile from John. 

“What are you thinking of, love?” he asked softly, reaching across the table to grasp her hand in his. 

“I’m thinking of home,” was her reply. “And how if I’d been there and it was snowing that my son and I would be outside in it... building a snowman or whatever. Matt loves this time of year so much! He builds the most detailed snowmen imaginable, too... almost like miniature sculptures or something. Amazing.” 

“Too bad he can’t be here with you. We’d take good care of him, you know. Bet you Uncle Justin would take him into the basement and teach him the guitar.” 

“Bet he would, too.” 

“And Ray would teach him the flute.” 

“Yeah.” 

“And Graeme would teach him how to pick up women.” 

Danielle looked at him, then began to chuckle along with him. “Now I know why I left Matt at home,” she said mischievously. “To keep him away from you Englishmen and your corrupting ways.” 

He threw his head back and laughed with delight. “You got that one right.” He suddenly got to his feet, pulling her up with him. 

“What?” Danielle blinked as he tossed a few pound notes at the bartender, then led her outside. 

“You’ll find out soon enough. Trust me.” 

Mystified, she let him lead her down the alley back of Threshold, then through a couple of back streets until they came to a large vacant lot blanketed with untouched snow. John led her into the center of it, then turned to grasp her other hand, offering a warm smile as he did so. 

“John, I don’t get it. Why...” 

“Love, I’m not Matt. I can’t build fancy snowmen or anything like that. But I thought you might want to play in the snow for a bit.” 

Danielle’s throat tightened as she gazed up at him, her heart thudding as she saw his love for her shine out of his eyes. _Oh, dear God,_ she thought as the realization hit her. He loved her. He wasn’t even bothering to conceal it. He brought her gloved hand to his lips and dropped a gentle kiss on the back of her fingers, then grinned at her as he dropped her hands and bent over to pack a small ball of snow in his hands. 

“Let’s build a snowman, sweetheart,” he said impishly, watching her face light up with delight as she did likewise. Before long the two of them were busy at rolling up a snowman, laughing and talking softly as they did so. Occasionally Danielle would sneak a glance at John, taking in the way his handsome features were alight with unconcealed delight, his green eyes sparkling, his dark blond curls laden with snowflakes as the snow continued to drift down around them. 

After about thirty minutes they both stood back, giggling and clinging to each other as they viewed their handiwork in the most lopsided snowman Danielle had ever seen in her entire life. After a few moments of shaking her head she turned to him with one raised brow. 

“You were right about one thing.” 

“What’s that?” 

“You can’t build fancy snowmen.” 

“Oh, yeah?” 

“Yeah.” 

“Well, fancy THIS.” 

Before she had a second to think John bent over, scooped up a handful of snow and shoved it into her face, leaving her gasping as the icy substance took her breath away. She let out a screech and scooped up a handful of snow, packing it into a ball as he retreated backwards, chuckling. Danielle paused, repressing a grin as she watched John back up... and up... and fall straight over a fallen tree branch to land flat on his back in the snow. Immediately she launched herself forward and swiftly came down next to him, grasping his leather coat and rapidly unzipping it. 

"Hey!” John roared as she stuffed the snowball down the front of his shirt, then used her hands to smash it against him through his shirt, her eyes sparkling as she giggled at him. “Bloody hell, that’s cold!” 

“It’s what you deserve for putting that snow into my face,” she said sweetly, hurriedly getting to her feet as he slowly pulled himself upright, his expression dangerous as he tugged on his shirt. 

“Now I’m bloody freezing to death,” he griped, his eyes twinkling at her. “Got to go home and put on dry clothes, and it’s all your fault.” He yanked his shirt out of his jeans and shook the snow out of it, letting off a little shiver as he did so. “Care to join me? I can get the housekeeper to make us up something warm to drink while I change up.” 

“You know, I think I would like that,” she said softly as he grasped her hand in his and tugged her comfortably under his arm while they walked back to High Street. By then the snow was coming down more heavily than ever, making Cobham, Surrey into a winter wonderland. Danielle repressed a smile as she watched the locals gather on their respective sidewalks to glare at the sight before them. If there was one thing she had learned during her weeks in England it was that the British disliked having something unusual to disrupt their lives. _It was safe to say that a large snowfall such as what was coming down around them fell into that category,_ she thought with amusement. 

Once at John’s home he ushered her into the sitting room and made sure she was comfortable in front of the fire before he left her to go upstairs and change. Danielle settled herself comfortably back into the antique brocade sofa, hesitating only briefly before she swept the crocheted afghan off of the sofa’s back and wrapped it around her, drawing up her knees and kicking off her shoes as she did so. _There was something very right and very homey about kicking off her shoes in John’s sitting room,_ she thought dreamily. _How romantic he was!_ she decided with a sigh. Never had she been with a man with such a sense of romance, with a whimsical way of thinking like John had. 

“Miss?” 

She looked up to see the housekeeper standing over her with a tray in her hands. The older woman looked over Danielle, and then broke into a big smile as she set the tray on the coffee table in front of the sofa. 

“Mr. Lodge said for me to bring in some tea and said for me to make sure that you were comfortable while he was changing his clothing.” 

“Oh, I am, thank you,” Danielle said softly as the woman poured her a cup of tea and handed it to her. 

“Glad to know that, miss. Goodness, that lad got himself into a mess, didn’t he?” 

Danielle chuckled. “Well, if he hadn’t shoved that snow into my face first he wouldn’t have gotten himself into quite such a mess.” 

The other woman started to chuckle. “Ahh, so that’s the way it is, then. He didn’t say that.” She shook her head, then added, “By the way, miss, my name is Mary. Just let me know if you need anything.” 

“Thank you very much, Mary,” Danielle replied with a smile. “And please, call me Danielle.” 

“Very well, Miss Danielle.” 

At that very moment the sitting room door swung open and John breezed in, pausing to give Mary a kiss on the cheek that had her sputtering at him. “Really, Mr. Lodge,” the older woman muttered, getting a laugh from him as she left the room and the two of them alone. He took one look at Danielle, grinned, then placed his hands on the back of the sofa and vaulted over to sit next to her. Immediately he winced, and then began rubbing the small of his back. 

“I’m getting too bloody old for such antics,” he said wryly, listening to Danielle chuckle at him. 

“Oh, I wouldn’t say you’re too old... even if you do have gray hair and even if your first hit was twenty-seven years ago.” 

“Well! I’ll have you know that I’m like fine wine... I improved with age.” 

Danielle found herself letting her eyes drift over him appreciatively. “I’ll say,” she murmured softly, the color suddenly rising in her cheeks as she realized what she had just admitted to. His smile gentled as he moved closer to her, letting his arm drape around her shoulders. 

“It’s okay, you know, to admit that you’re attracted to me, love,” he said softly. “God knows I’ve never made it a secret that I want you.” 

“I know, John.” She took in a deep breath, and then let it out slowly in an effort to calm her jangling nerves. The mixed reaction inside of her was tearing her apart. _Why did she have to feel fear and desire all wrapped into one like that?_ she thought unhappily. How long could she keep denying her feelings just because of what had happened to her in the past? 

“I’m frightening you, aren’t I?” 

She whirled to gaze into his eyes, finding for once that his look was somber as he reached with his free hand to let his fingertips trail down her cheek. Immediately tears welled into her eyes and spilled out over her lashes, causing him to gently brush them away. 

“I wish I knew what I was doing wrong,” he said quietly. “The last thing I want to do is frighten you. I love you too much for that.” 

Her eyes widened and she stared at him. “Y-you love me? John, I...” 

“Oh, love, haven’t you been able to tell? I’ve done everything but shout it to the skies. I’ve loved you since the day I saw you at Justin’s wedding. I fell in love with you and I didn’t even know your name or where you came from.” 

“Oh, God...” She shuddered and turned away from him. “You don’t know what you’re letting yourself in for by loving me,” she said huskily, wiping the tears from her face. “All I can bring to you is hurt.” 

“No, love.” His mouth brushed against her temple and she sighed. “Just let me help you.” He dropped a soft trail of kisses down her cheek. “Let me in.” 

“John, I can’t.” 

“Sure you can. Share with me.” 

His mouth brushed against hers and she let out a soft moan, her arms winding inadvertently around his broad shoulders as she returned the light kiss. He kissed her again, this time more firmly, his head rotating against hers as he slowly, deliciously worked her mouth open for the entrance of his tongue. Her fingers threaded into his hair as she returned the embrace, a moan escaping her as his tongue stroked hers. 

“John...” She broke off the kiss and gasped as he began nibbling down her neck, then back up to her lips again. 

"Share your burden with me. I’m strong enough for both of us,” he whispered against her lips. “Open up to me, sweetheart. Bend before you break.” 

_God, how could she resist?_ she thought, finding herself nodding her head as she clung to him. He smoothed her hair gently and settled them both comfortably back against the sofa cushions, letting his chin come to rest on the top of his head as he cradled her against him. For a long moment they sat in silence as John let her gather her thoughts, his hand continuing to caress her hair and shoulders. 

“My ex-husband, Dale...” 

The words were so soft-spoken that he almost had to bend to hear her. _It was as though she was afraid of mentioning the man’s name,_ he thought. “Go ahead,” he murmured softly, kissing the top of her head. “I’m here to protect you.” 

She let out a shaky laugh. “Yeah, I guess you are, at that. Funny how just mentioning his name makes me shake inside.” 

“That bad, sweetheart?” 

“Oh, John, if only I could...” She started to tremble all over, making him cradle her more firmly. “Dale and I married when I was twenty, still in college. He was so sweet to me back then, before we were married. He wined and dined me, bought me presents, took me anywhere I wanted to go, did things for me. Courted me thoroughly,” she added bitterly. “Little did I know...” 

“Sweetheart, what did he do?” 

“I should have known when he insisted I quit school. I should have known when he wouldn’t give me any spending money without begging, or when he’d follow my every move if I left the house, or become jealous when I’d visit with a friend. God, I had no life! And when he hit me that first time I should have known to leave him right then...” She felt John stiffen against her, his arms tightening around her as he began to rock her back and forth. “And dammit, John, why did it take the abuse of my son for me to realize what was happening? The day he knocked Matt across the room and nearly cost my son his eyesight was the day I knew I had to leave. But if I’d left earlier Matt wouldn’t have become hurt and...” 

“Danielle, stop this.” John tried to swallow back the lump in his throat and failed, feeling tears sting at his eyes. “Don’t blame yourself for his actions. It’s not your fault.” 

“I know, but...” 

“No buts, sweetheart. It’s not your fault.” 

“I’m so terrified.” Her voice was a rasp as she clung to him. 

“Why, darling? I’m here for you.” 

“It’s Matt. I’m so afraid that Dale will find out I’m in England and try to take Matt away from me. They watch him real close in school and Mark takes him with him everywhere he goes, but...” He felt her tremble against him. “I’ve had a wonderful time here, but I get these moments...” 

“Dear God, Danielle, pull him out of school and bring him here for a while. A couple of weeks here aren’t going to permanently affect his life, you know. That way he’d be safe with you and you’d feel better.” 

“You really think so, John?” She tipped her head back to gaze somberly up at him. “God, I’m so tired of being afraid all the time, of waiting for one more blow to fall. So tired.” 

“Let me help you.” He dropped a soft, tingling kiss on the corner of her mouth and she sighed. “Let me...” 

Her head nestled against his shoulder as he kissed her... again, and then again, his tongue gently, heatedly stroking the insides of her mouth. Another warm tingle went through her, making her breasts swell against his chest. Her nipples contracted and she moaned, tangling her fingers into his curly mane, feeling his hand settle in the small of her back as he pressed her to him. 

Suddenly warning bells jangled in her and she gasped, feeling her body react against the will of her mind. Immediately John released her with a frustrated groan, his expression akin to pain. It was all she could do to keep from bursting into tears. 

“I’m such a failure,” she whispered, choking back a sob. “Here I am, on the verge of making love with a man that I think I’m falling in love with,” joy flashed across his features as she continued, “and my subconscious won’t let me.” 

“You’re not a failure,” John said gently, his heart hammering in his chest. _Had she actually said that she was falling in love with him?_ he thought wildly. _Had to be a dream come true._ “I should know better than to rush you and...” 

“But that’s just it!” She gazed up at him. “I’m so tired of waiting, so tired of wondering if I’ll ever get over the hurt.” She took a deep breath, and then added, “You see, there’s more. When I tried to leave Dale he raped me and...” She heard a wild groan come from John, watched as he clenched and unclenched his fists, his knuckles popping. _Anger,_ she thought with a shiver. _Thank God it wasn’t directed at her._

“So help me God if I ever meet that sonofabitch...” 

“John, no... please...” Now it was her turn to comfort him, to cradle those tightly clenched hands in hers and soothe them open, to reach up and caress his cheek lightly. He turned his head and dropped a hot kiss in the center of her palm, letting his tongue flick over her skin. “John, all I know is that I’m tired of feeling this way, of not knowing how deep the scars go. Please, help me, John. Help me to wash away the hurt.” 

“Oh, sweetheart...” 

“If you can find a way.” 

“I’ll find a way.” 

He swept her against him, bringing his head to hers as he reclined back into the cushions and brought her astride his lap. At the puzzled look she gave him he grinned crookedly, reaching up to push a silky strand of hair from her face. “Why don’t you take the lead? It’s up to you, love. As little or as much as you can handle.” 

Her head swam as she gazed at him, taking in the lazy seductiveness in his eyes, the warmth of his smile, and his arousal as it pressed into her abdomen. _As little or as much as she wanted,_ she thought, feeling suddenly giddy at the idea. She’d never taken the lead before, never had the pleasure of truly making love to a man. The thought sent a tingly shiver right down her spine. 

“Where do I start?” she asked softly, her hand trembling as she let it rest on his chest. Immediately he drew in a sharp breath, making her realize just how much her touch affected him. Slowly she lowered her head to his and settled her mouth across his, getting a soft groan from him as she worked his lips open. _He felt so wonderful against her mouth,_ she thought with a shiver. Another moan came from him when her tongue tentatively stroked his again, making his arms tighten around her as she started to explore the warmth of his mouth. Her fingertips began playing restlessly across his chest, making him sigh and arch into her palms. She hesitated then let her fingertips come to rest on the snaps of his shirt, her hands trembling as she slowly popped each snap. “I’m so nervous,” she admitted, her eyes falling to the expanse of smooth skin that she was exposing with each snap. 

“So am I. Nervous that I’ll frighten you off, nervous that... Ooohhh...” Her hands traced a soft delicate line down between his pectoral muscles, making him arch and moan softly. “God, I’ve dreamed of this,” he said raggedly, his breath catching when she tugged his shirt free of his jeans and slid it down his arms. 

"You’re so beautiful,” she whispered, taking in his broad expanse of chest, firm pectoral muscles... the thin line of hair trailing down to his waistline, and the love handles. _Something to hang onto,_ she thought, growing red at the memory of saying that to him before. Without thinking she bent to drop a soft, wet kiss in the valley at the center of his chest, getting a soft moan from him again. 

“Oh, God, that feels good,” he muttered, letting his hands slide restlessly up and down her spine as she began trailing kisses across his chest, growing less hesitant with each soft touch of her mouth. 

“What do you like?” she said against his skin, feeling his heartbeat slam against her lips. “Tell me, John. Please.” 

“I like what you’re doing right now... no, I don’t like it... I love it... aaauuuhhhnnn...” The tip of her tongue trailed around one flat nipple and he threw his head back and let out a groan, whispering encouragement to her. “So good, love, so good...” he muttered, his hips shifting restlessly as his arousal intensified. “Oh, God, sweetheart!” She was sucking on him now, her fingertips toying with the other nipple as he grew unbearably hard against his jeans. _God, the sensations she was creating,_ he thought wildly, wondering somewhere in the back of his mind just how far she would take this. 

“Need to feel you against me,” she said softly as she sat back and reached for the hem of her shirt. Her hands trembled as she lifted up on her tee shirt and tugged it up over her head, leaving her in a soft lacy bra that made his fingertips twitch. Inadvertently he ran his tongue over his bottom lip, drawing in a breath and holding it when her hands went to the front catch. Suddenly she paused, her eyes locking with his. 

“John?” 

“Yeah, love?” 

“Would you like the honors?” 

He raised a trembling hand, then hesitated, gazing up into her eyes. “Are you sure? Cause once I touch you I don’t know if I’ll be able to stop.” 

“I hope you don’t stop,” she admitted huskily, watching his eyes narrow slightly. “I want to feel your hands on me... ohhh...” His knuckles grazed against her silky flesh as he fumbled with the catch on her bra before getting it to release. He paused for a fraction of a second, then slowly peeled it back, a moan of delight escaping him as the garment fell from her, revealing full breasts crowned with dusky nipples that were hardening under his gaze. 

“God, you’re beautiful,” he said softly, letting his fingertips trail across her skin, watching her nipples draw and tighten as he neared them. She drew in a shuddering breath and moaned as he began tracing soft, tiny circles around each nipple before closing his hands over her breasts and molding them in his huge hands. 

Shakily she lowered her head to his, bringing herself up against him at the same moment that their lips met. Immediately they both moaned, John letting his arms slide around her, gently molding her to him as she drank in the sensations that his skin against her inspired. 

“Okay, love?” he asked, his breath a whisper against her temple as she lay shivering against him. 

“Oh, yes,” she said breathily against his neck. “I just never dreamed it could be like this.” 

“It gets better, you know,” he said with a low chuckle, a low groan coming from him when she moved back and forth across his chest. She blinked then brought her gaze up to his. 

“That’s just it, John. I don’t know.” She blushed furiously as he blinked at her with disbelief. “You see, Dale never bothered to make sure that...” 

“You’ve never come?” As her blush deepened he reached to cup her cheek in the palm of his hand. “I’d love to show you, sweetheart. Please, let me... let me show you how good it can be.” 

“Yes...” 

“Don’t be afraid.” 

“I don’t think I could ever be afraid of anything you do.” 

Danielle felt his fingertips catch in the waistband of her leggings, felt the soft caress of the fabric slide down over her hips and down her legs as he caught her panties as well, leaving her fully vulnerable to him as he tossed the garments to the floor. “Oh, baby, you’re so beautiful,” he said huskily, letting his hands glide lazily over her. Slowly he brought her down to him again, his mouth covering hers for a long, sensuous kiss that deepened with each second. Her breath caught as his tongue sought hers for long, lazy strokes that made a burning ache form in her inner thighs. 

“John, what...” 

“Shhh, love, it’s okay.” He began dropping soft, delectable kisses down her neck, punctuated with soft flicks of his tongue, all the while his hands palming her nipples and making the ache grow wilder. Slowly his hands moved to her sides and lifted up on her, bringing her breasts to him. As his mouth closed over one nipple she gasped, arching into him as he alternately licked and suckled at her, moving from one breast to the other. 

“Oh, that’s so good!” she cried out, tangling her hands in his hair, another cry escaping her as he let one hand trail down her abdomen. “It hurts, and yet it feels so good... oh, God, John...” His fingertips slid between her thighs, tangling in the soft curls there as he sought her moist heat. Immediately she began to shudder, feeling shimmering heat spread throughout her, making her draw and tighten inside as he stroked her into slow, flaming bliss. 

“John, I’m going to...” 

“I know. Just go with it. Don’t fight it, sweetheart. Let it happen.” He moved his other hand to her chin and brought her gaze to his. “I want to look into your eyes when you come, love.” 

“John, I can’t...” She whimpered, feeling a spasm grab at her lower half as she held his gaze, letting the warm green in his eyes penetrate her being as she climbed higher and higher. He slid a finger into her and she jerked, then began thrusting her hips along his hand, holding that sensuous, soul-searching gaze of his as her body sought completion. 

“Yes, baby, just like that.” 

“John... oh, please...” 

“Like... that...” 

Danielle felt her entire being shatter apart into bliss as she climaxed, a surprised cry of delight, of pleasure coming from her as her body found release. Slowly she sagged against him, her hands clinging desperately to him as she sobbed softly. 

“Danielle? Love, are you all right?” 

The concern in his voice penetrated her and she let out a weak chuckle, her grip tightening on him. “Yes, I’m all right, John. Just... overwhelmed, I guess you could say. I never knew...” 

He let out a gusty sigh of relief and cradled her against him, letting his hands slide slowly up and down her spine as he dropped a kiss on her temple. “Thank God, love. You know,” he added as she brought her gaze up to his, “it gets even better than that.” 

“I don’t know if I could stand anything better than that,” she muttered, getting a low laugh from him as he brought them both upright. 

“Well, not right now anyway. I think we can wait a little bit on the rest, don’t you? I mean,” his voice lightened, “Mary’s probably wondering when we’ll let her serve dinner. Probably standing in the kitchen, tisking her tongue because I’ve decided to carry on with you instead of eating at the right time.” As she blushed he gave her a saucy grin and leaned over to kiss her passionately. “Let’s get us both dressed, and see what’s for dinner.” 

“And then...” 

His eyes darkened and she moaned softly. “And then,” was all he said as he set her back from him and reached for her clothing, tenderly helping her into each garment, punctuating his movements with kisses and taking her breath away. Dazedly she watched as he rose to his feet and fastened his shirt, pausing to take a couple of deep breaths once in awhile. _So that’s what arousal to the point of pain looked like,_ she thought bemusedly as he turned from her with a rueful grin, presumably to adjust the fit of his jeans before he walked over to the window. Suddenly he froze, then began shaking his head. 

“What?” She came over to stand next to him, then let out a squeak of astonishment at the sight before them. “I thought you said it didn’t snow this much in Southern England,” she said accusingly, turning to give him a glare and getting a chuckle from him. 

“Can I help it that it decides to come a regular bloomin’ blizzard just as I get you in my home?” 

“I swear, you must’ve asked for the two of us to be snowed in together,” she replied, continuing to give him a mock glare. “Of course, you have nothing but good intentions, right?” 

“Oh, I have intentions, all right.” He slanted a wicked grin at her and reached up to caress her cheek lightly, making her eyes widen just a fraction. “Let’s go eat,” he added softly, extending his elbow out to hers and enjoying the feel of her linking her arm through his before he led her out to the dining room. 

They made small talk while Mary served dinner, neither noticing much how the food tasted, nor even what they were eating. Occasionally John would reach out to pat her knee, sometimes letting his fingertips slide up and down her thigh, sometimes just giving her a squeeze. She found herself doing likewise, daring to let her hand draw close to his crotch, watching his eyes darken with arousal. _What the hell were they even doing there?_ she realized, a soft cry coming from her when his fingertips lightly stroked at her through her slacks. 

“John...” 

Abruptly he pushed back from the table and got to his feet, extending his hand to her in invitation. _Yes,_ she thought, laying her hand in his as he pulled her to her feet and under his arm. Vaguely she recalled climbing stairs with him, her heart hammering so loud in her chest that it drowned out all rational thought. She watched him open a door at the end of the hallway, let him lead her inside a room that was warm, masculine... his. At one end of the darkened room a fireplace glowed, setting off the antique furniture and the four-poster bed surrounded by curtains opened to face the fire. 

“Planning?” she asked softly, getting a wry grin and a shrug from him as he closed the door behind them before pulling her to him again. 

“I had hopes,” he admitted gruffly, his hands finding her behind and pulling her against his pelvis, making her gasp, her hands digging into his shoulders. “Hopes that we would join together by the light of the fire, hopes of seeing your hair spread out across a pillow as I rise above you, filling you.” 

“John...” 

“Hopes of sinking into you... feeling how hot and wet you are as I...” His voice lowered as he muttered against her ear, making her squirm with the tantalizingly graphic things he was describing to her. His hands started to tug up on her tee shirt and she raised her arms wordlessly, moaning as he bent to drop a hot kiss on the rise of her breasts as he sent the top skittering to the floor. Her bra soon followed, then her leggings and panties before he swept her off of the floor and laid her out along the bed, his eyes blazing into hers as he stood back and began fumbling with his clothing. 

“Damn, I’m so bloody nervous,” he admitted, getting a soft laugh from her as his fingers caught nervously at the snaps on his shirt. “I’ve dreamed of this moment for so long,” the shirt hit the floor as he began unzipping his jeans, “that I can’t think straight.” His fingers caught in the waistband of his jeans and hitched them down his legs, taking his briefs with them. Immediately Danielle’s eyes widened as she took in his hard arousal, and the fact that, goodness, he was definitely well equipped. 

“Uh, Danielle?” 

“Yeah?” 

“I wish you wouldn’t stare at me like that.” 

“Oh.” 

“I mean, I’m already nervous enough that I’ll scare you off and with that look you’re giving me I...” 

“Oh, no, John. That’s not it. Not it at all.” She extended her hand out to his and drew him onto the bed with her, sighing when he drew the covers over the two of them before coming up against her. Immediately she let out a soft cry and wrapped herself around him, feeling the hard warmth of his skin against hers, the way the hair on his legs rasped against her own smoothness, his firm chest against her breasts, and his hardened manhood thrusting against her. 

“What is it, then, sweetheart?” 

“Oh, I was just thinking... Uhhmmm...” He dropped a soft, delectable trail of kisses down her throat as she continued, “thinking that you have no problem in the equipment department.” 

“That I don’t,” he said agreeably, thrusting against her. “Imagine just how tight we’ll fit together.” He drew in a deep, shuddering breath as he molded her more tightly to him. “God, you feel so good against me” 

“I know, John...” 

His mouth lowered to hers as he rolled her beneath him, his hands sliding tenderly over her, taking in every sweet nuance, every small reaction she gave him in return. Shakily he kissed a wet path down her body, enjoying the feel of her erect nipples in his mouth, the way her thighs lifted around his as he teased at her unmercifully. _He wanted her desperate for him,_ he thought as he suckled at her, letting his tongue slide around the distended tips. Then down over her abdomen, where he flicked his tongue around her navel before letting his mouth brush across the hair that crowned the juncture of her thighs. Immediately she gasped and let her fingers tangle in his hair. 

“John, what...” 

“What do you mean by ‘what’, love?” He grinned saucily up at her and pressed his mouth over her, loving the way her hands clenched at him. _Of course she’d never had this done to her before,_ he thought, relishing the idea of being the first as he let his tongue slide along her. He felt her twist, felt her hips lift against his face, heard the husky cries come from her lips, the pleas as he brought her to completion, then slowed down to keep her on the edge as long as possible. She went wild with it, begging and pleading with him as she neared the precipice. Suddenly she let out a cry and arched up off of the bed, her hands twisting into the sheets as she climaxed. 

Slowly he kissed his way back up to her mouth, draping her thighs around his as his lips found hers, her essence still on his lips as his tongue slid into her mouth. At that same moment he slid into her, filling her to the brink as they joined for the first time. 

“John...” 

He shuddered and shut his eyes briefly, thinking that he had never known such bliss as the feel of being deep inside of her, of being completely joined with her. “It’s like...” he drew in a shuddering breath, “like two halves joining to make a whole.” 

“Yes.” 

“It’s... like being complete.” 

“Oh, yes, John.” Her eyes filled with tears as he gazed into them before pulling out slowly, then filling her again, this time all the way into her. She let out a gasp and arched into him, her hands sliding to cup his buttocks, to urge him to take them both to completion. He began to move, taking his time with her as he brought her near to fulfillment again then slowed so they could both savor the sweet anguish of being on the verge of ecstasy. 

Suddenly it happened for her. He felt her tighten around him, felt her nails dig into his shoulder blades, her nipples harden against his chest as she cried out his name and spasmed beneath him. He forced himself to stop briefly, to kiss away the tears that lay on her cheeks, to tenderly comfort her as she trembled with what she had just discovered. 

“John, I never knew...” 

“I know, sweetheart.” He began to thrust again and she wept, clinging to him. “I never knew, either... never... oh, God, Danielle...” 

“Yes, John, like that...” 

“Danielle!” 

He felt his entire being draw together, then burst as he filled her to the brink with completion. A hoarse cry was torn from him as he shook with it, his hips jerking as he found release inside of her.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three

Danielle rolled over into a hard chest, making her eyes fly wide open at the contact. _John,_ she thought muzzily, snuggling closer against him, feeling his arms come around her and cradle her to him. There was something definitely very, very right about being cuddled against John Lodge in an antique four-poster bed while the embers of a fire remained on the hearth. He mumbled something sleepily and buried his face into her hair, his hands moving lazily over her spine before he drifted off to sleep again. 

Cautiously she propped herself up on one elbow to gaze at him in the dying light of the fire, taking in his disheveled hair, kiss swollen lips... the scratches on his shoulders. Her eyes widened at the faint streaks that ran across his shoulders and down his chest. _Had she done that to him?_ she thought, reaching to trace one mark with her fingertips. His eyes blinked open and he gazed at her drowsily. 

“Uhhhhmmmm, what is it?” he asked sleepily as she caressed the scratches lightly. 

“I hurt you,” she said softly, bending to drop soft kisses where she’d scratched him. She felt him shrug and looked up to see him grinning lazily at her. 

“Yeah, and worth it, too.” His breath caught when she let her tongue trace a lazy trail along the scratches then over to one flat nipple. A groan escaped him when she flicked her tongue across the beaded disk, then caught at it lightly with her teeth. “I’ll say one thing,” he muttered as she moved to the center of his chest and began dropping a hot trail of kisses down to his abdomen. 

“What’s that?” 

“For someone who told me that she didn’t know what it took to please a man you sure caught on quickly.” Her hand came to rest on his upper thigh, and then slowly moved up to cup him, making him feel as though he was about to dissolve. 

“John?” 

“Yes, love?” 

“You know what you did to me last night?” A flush crept up high in her cheeks as she added, “You know, when you...” 

“Went down on you? Which time?” His eyes sparkled with mischief as her blush deepened. “Enjoyed it too, didn’t you?” 

“Oh, yes... I just... I just would like to try it on you and...” 

“Oh, God, please, don’t tell me you don’t know how. Seems to me that you’ve done a good job of driving me crazy up ‘til now.” 

“Really?” She dropped a soft kiss on him and he let out a soft moan, his hands digging into the sheets. “I guess you’re right,” she murmured, more to herself than to him as she began planting soft kisses along him, causing him to hoarsely mutter encouragement to her, his hands toying restlessly with her hair. When she took him into her mouth he let out a moan, his head twisting back and forth on the pillow. _She never knew,_ she thought dazedly, enjoying the purely carnal pleasure written all over his features. 

“Come here.” 

“John, I...” 

“That’s it, sweetheart. God, you taste so good...” 

“So do you, John... ooohhh...” 

Then there were only the sounds of two people loving each other, the sounds of soft moans, whispered endearments as they brought each to fulfillment. Finally, both had their beings shattered apart as waves of bliss overtook them, their cries filling the air as the sweet agony of orgasm overtook them. 

“Well...” 

Danielle rolled weakly off of John and looked up at him, finding that he had his arm thrown across his forehead, his expression dazed. 

“Well, what?” 

“Well, I think I’m done in for the morning.” 

She found herself giggling as he pulled her head up to his shoulders and nestled his head against her. Slowly they both drifted back off to sleep as the morning light began streaming through the curtains. 

* * *

“Good God, it didn’t take him long, did it?” 

Danielle forced herself not to grin as her brother-in-law muttered a few choice swear words into the air, throwing his hands up with disgust. _Goodness, Justin was protective,_ she thought, repressing a giggle as John walked into the Hayward sitting room, only to be glared at by the long-legged blond. 

“Slept with her, didn’t you?” 

John blinked, then shrugged and slanted a grin at his friend. “Well, we did sleep every once in awhile,” he offered by way of explanation. 

“John!” Danielle felt a blush crawl up to her forehead. 

“Rocker, so help me God,” Justin bore down on his friend, “if you hurt her...” 

“I won’t,” John said softly as he held Justin’s gaze. “Count on it.” 

The two held each other’s gaze for a long moment before Justin shrugged, then grinned and reached up to give John a hard slap between the shoulder blades, getting a punch on the upper arm in return. 

“I can whip your arse anytime, Rocker.” 

“Try it, Legs. Just try it.” 

“Nah. You’d enjoy it too much, Lodge.” 

“Screw you, Hayward.” 

“Which position, Lodge?” 

Danielle let out a squeak and both men whirled to stare at her. Immediately they both turned red and she giggled, holding her hands up to her cheeks in embarrassment. 

“Bloody hell! I mean... oh, buggers...” Justin let out a snort of disgust as John groaned and shook his head. 

“Well, you two certainly don’t beat around the bush, do you?” Danielle said softly as she went up to John and linked her arm through his, getting a gentle kiss in return. 

“No, that we don’t, love,” he murmured into her ear, dropping a soft kiss on the skin beneath it and making her shiver. 

“Not here, you two,” Justin muttered, slanting a wicked grin at them as they both turned to give him a glazed look. “Lodge, don’t you think we ought to get down to business?” 

John groaned and set Danielle back from him with a shrug of his shoulders. “Got to go to Threshold for a few hours. I...” 

“Shhhhh, it’s okay.” She leaned up to give him a light kiss on the lips. “Sometimes there are things you have to attend to.” 

“Be here when I get back.” 

“Of course.” 

The Hayward estate was utterly silent with the Haywards and John gone. Danielle found herself wandering through the home, taking in the paintings, gazing at the memorabilia, and getting absolutely bored right out of her skull. _Well, she could get a cab into Cobham,_ she supposed. No, then she’d be interrupting John and holding him back from getting contracts signed and all the other stuff he and Justin were doing that afternoon. 

She eyed the phone as it sat on Justin’s old oak desk in the study, then seized it and settled herself into the old cushy office chair. Pensively she stared at the dial for a moment, and then let her fingertips dance over it. _Hell with it,_ she decided as she listened to the ringing at the other end. She hadn’t heard Matt’s voice in a couple of days. 

“Hello?” 

“Hey, Mark.” 

“Danielle? Oh, thank God...” 

“Huh?” _Mark sounded agitated,_ she thought. “Mark, what is it?” 

“I’ve been trying to reach you all day. The phone company told me that the lines to England weren’t working right.” 

“Mark, what’s wrong?” Immediately Danielle’s heart began to thud in her chest. _Matt,_ she thought, feeling her head start to throb. 

“It’s Dale. He’s been nosing around, asking questions...” 

“Yes, what about him?” 

“I guess word got out that you’re in England.” 

“Oh, God...” 

“I took off work and pulled Matt out of school. Dani, I don’t like the looks of this, not at all. Dale seems... I don’t know, edgy, I guess.” 

Her eyes narrowed. “I’m coming home, Mark. Immediately.” 

“Man, you got the tour starting next week.” 

“Tell me about it. I’m coming home. I got to find a way to put a stop to this.” She let out a sigh, then added, “We’ve lived in fear for too long, Mark. It’s time for it to stop.” 

There was a silence, then, “Hey, I like the sound of that. The new Danielle Matthews McNeil. Wonder what brought it on?” 

She grinned tightly. “I’ll tell you when I get there.” 

She hung up the phone and stared off into space pensively, then jumped when a voice spoke up behind her. 

“Danielle?” She whirled to see her sister standing behind her, an expression of puzzlement written all over her features. “The guys were up to their elbows in paperwork so I came home,” Jillian offered by way of explanation. “Did I just hear right? Are you leaving?” 

“Jill... it’s Dale. He’s causing trouble and I...” 

Jill held up her hand and nodded. “Never mind. THAT I understand. So, when do we leave?” 

“We? No, Jill. Just me. I don’t need to be dragging you and your husband away from everything that needs to be done here. The tour starts next week and...” 

“Man, I can’t let you do this by yourself. Just can’t.” 

“I’ll have Mark.” 

Danielle moved past her younger sister and headed for the stairs, her mind focused on one thing-and that was getting home to her son. _John. No, she couldn’t think about that now,_ she thought, desperately, unhappily pushing the thought of her lover to the back of her mind. _Matt had to come first._

“What do I tell John?” Jill asked softly as Danielle began throwing clothes into a carryon bag. Danielle hesitated for one moment, anguish crossing her features before she forced herself to wipe it away. 

“Tell him... tell him I’ll see him in Lake Tahoe,” was all she finally said as she opened a dresser drawer and began yanking underwear out. “Are you just going to stand there with your hands on your hips or are you going to lend me a hand?” 

“I don’t like this, Dani.” 

“I know you don’t, but I don’t have any choice. So, could you do me a favor?” 

“What?” 

“Get on the phone and get me on the next flight out of London to the States.” 

* * *

“Matt!” 

“Hi, Mom!” 

The two embraced tightly, clinging to each other like lifelines in the center of the airport. _She had missed her son so much,_ Danielle thought, smoothing back his hair and gazing into his vivid blue eyes. Matt held the look for a couple of seconds, and then flitted his gaze away, as though eye contact was more than he could stand. Which it was, as most people with autism found eye contact unbearable. 

“Have you been behaving for Uncle Mark?” she continued as they followed Mark out to where he had the car parked. Matt grinned, reaching up to briefly flick his fingers by his eyes. Danielle reached up to pull his hands down, then tipped her son’s chin in her fingertips and brought his eyes up to hers again. “Look at me, Matt, and answer my question.” 

“I’ve been real good for Uncle Mark. He told me if I minded him he’d take me to the train yard to look at all the different cars I want for the train set.” 

“And did you?” 

“Yes, I did. There was this Pullman that I’m going to build.” 

Matt continued on and for a moment Danielle let her thoughts drift. _Superficial or not, at least he was talking,_ she thought, giving him a hug and getting one in return. _He’d come so far in the past thirteen years,_ she thought, bending to drop a kiss on his forehead. She’d be damned if she’d let Dale come back into his life and mess up all the progress her son was making. John, though, would be another matter entirely. She had this distinct feeling that having John around would be good for Matt’s soul. 

For a moment her throat tightened as she thought of the tall, handsome bass player who had stolen his way into her heart. No doubt by the time she’d gotten back to the States he’d been home for several hours. _Probably upset with her, too,_ she thought glumly, _but what choice did she have? She couldn’t stay one more minute, and she’d be damned if she’d call John away from his work just when the tour was getting ready to start. No, this was one job she had to do alone,_ she decided. A shudder went through her as another thought occurred to her. Not once had she told John her feelings for him. 

She silently got into the passenger side of the car next to her brother, feeling Mark’s eyes upon her briefly before he turned to start the car and pull it out of the parking lot. The one thing she’d always been able to count on, and that was Mark’s silent, steady support no matter what. Mark Matthews, all of twenty-seven and the baby of the family, had turned out to be a rock in her times of need. 

“So, what did he say when you left?” 

Danielle blinked, then shrugged. “What did who say?” 

“Oh, come on, Dani. You can’t fool me. You’ve found somebody new, and you had to leave him behind.” 

“Oh?” 

“Don’t tell me... he’s a famous rock star, just like Jill’s husband.” 

“As a matter of fact, he’s the bass player...” 

“John Lodge? Geez, what is it with the Matthews sisters and the Moody Blues? You ladies have some built-in pheromones that just naturally attract dinosaur rock singers from has-been psychedelic bands?” 

“Hey! I’ll have you know that there’s nothing has-been about the Moody Blues. And John Lodge is most definitely, definitely not a dinosaur. I think Jill would concur on Justin.” Danielle leaned back into her seat and pretended to pout, watching as her handsome younger brother raised his hand in mock horror. 

“Truth hurts, doesn’t it?” 

“Oh, you... you brat. Mom should have tossed you out with the bath water. Five kids were plenty.” 

Mark chuckled softly and reached over to pat his sister’s knee lightly. “So, what did John say when you left, Dani?” 

“He didn’t know I left until after I was gone,” she admitted quietly. 

“Jesus Christ! Bet he’ll be pissed.” 

“Probably.” 

“Want to go to your place, then?” 

“Yeah, if you don’t mind. I’d like to be on my own turf for this.” 

Once inside the small two-bedroom bungalow that was her home Danielle tossed her bag into the center of her bed, then began rapidly checking all the locks in each room while Mark quietly watched, a peculiar expression on his face. Matt had went up to his room in silence, the tension in the air having long gotten to him to the point where he’d withdrawn. _Probably just as well,_ Danielle thought. If Dale decided to come around it was best that Matt didn’t notice his surroundings. 

“Dani, I think I ought to stay the night,” Mark finally said, frowning when she shook her head at him. “But...” 

“No, Mark. It’s time I faced up to Dale on my own. Dammit, it’s been over twenty years. Don’t you think I’m overdue?” 

“He could kill you.” 

She shrugged. “He could. He could also ambush me at a concert and kill me. Jill could get hurt. Matt. Justin. John.” Her voice caught. “It has to stop, and it has to stop now.” 

Mark nodded resignedly, then suddenly reached out and pulled her to him for a long, hard embrace. “God, please, please be careful,” he whispered to her. “If anything would ever happen to you...” 

“I know, Mark.” She returned the embrace, then set him back firmly. “Now, go before I lose my courage,” she teased, getting a wry grin from him. He nodded heavily and moved for the door, pausing to give her one last look of desperation before he turned and walked out, leaving her to bolt the door behind him. 

* * *

Danielle yawned and wiped the sleep from her eyes as she stood in the kitchen and waited for the coffee to finish up. _God, what a long night that had been._ There was nothing like a little tossing and turning to really make her chipper the next morning. She yawned again and rubbed her forehead. _All for nothing, too,_ she thought with relief as the toast popped up. Silently she spread jam over it and set it in front of Matt, getting a nod from him and nothing more. _Poor kid,_ she thought unhappily. Matt always knew when something wasn’t right. 

The phone rang and she glared at it before reaching to pick it up. _If that was Mark again she was going to blast him into the heavens,_ she thought balefully. Thanks to him she’d been woke up from the few times she had gotten sleep. 

Nothing. Dead silence. She spoke a couple of times, then shrugged and hung the phone back on the receiver. Wrong number, she thought as she moved to pour herself a cup of coffee. Either that or... 

She froze, then set down the coffee cup and quickly moved over to Matt. “Take your breakfast upstairs, Matt,” she said softly. As he gave her a bewildered look she added, “Now, honey. Power Rangers is on anyway and you know how much you enjoy watching it.” 

“Yes, Mom,” Matt said tonelessly as he scooped up his toast and juice before heading for hallway. “Got to watch Power Rangers,” he added. Suddenly he turned and walked back over to Danielle, hesitating only for a second before he leaned to give her a kiss on the cheek. “I love you, Mom.” 

“I love you, too, Matt.” She blinked back tears as he gave her a wide smile, and then went up to watch his TV show. _Thank God,_ she thought as she hastily cleared away the table, and then ran into her bedroom to change out of her gown and bathrobe into jeans and a sweatshirt. 

Just as she finished brushing out her hair she heard a knock on the door. She let out a groan of disgust and stepped into loafers as she forced herself to calmly walk across the living room, hesitating only briefly before she swung the door wide open and offered a big smile to Dale McNeil. 

“Well, I’ve been expecting you,” she said pleasantly. “Would you like to come in for a cup of coffee?” 

Dale blinked, then shoved his thick black hair back from his eyes and nodded as she stepped back to allow him to come inside. _Nothing like letting the wolf into the fold,_ she thought, forcing herself to hold her head up high as she turned her back on him and walked into the kitchen, listening to the sounds of his boot heels hitting the hardwood floor as he followed her in silence.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter Four

“Well, Dani, how are things going?” 

Danielle set the coffee cup on the table in front of Dale, then grabbed hers and sat across from him. Whatever she had to do, she had to show she wasn’t afraid of him, she thought determinedly. He looked harmless enough, she thought, taking in the thick black hair and the vivid blue eyes that immediately brought to mind Matt. If there was one thing that was certain it was that Dale was a handsome devil. 

“Things are going pretty good, actually. I’ve got a good job, now, too.” 

“Yeah, I heard about that. Singing for the Moody Blues, huh? I’m sure that Jill had a hand in getting you that one. God knows you couldn’t have done it on your own.” 

“Oh, connections are helpful,” she agreed, “but without the talent all the connections in the world won’t do any good. And, I’m good enough for the job, believe me.” He blinked at her and she covered her smile by taking a swig of coffee. “The Moodies are very exacting, too. And God, what they expect of their backup singers! High heels, sexy outfits...” 

“You get up on the stage dressed like that?” 

“Sure. Goes with the territory.” 

There was a long silence while Danielle got up to get more coffee. _So far, so good,_ she thought grimly. He was on his best behavior. How long that behavior would last was another matter entirely. 

“So how’s life in England?” 

“Wonderful,” she said softly. She took a deep breath then turned to face him. “You might as well know right now that when I go back I’m taking Matt with me.” 

“No fucking way.” Dale got to his feet and she forced herself to keep her shoulders back and head high. 

“Yes, fucking way, Dale. You lost all rights to him the day you put him in the hospital.” 

"It was an accident.” 

“Yeah, right. Just like the time you broke my arm was an accident. Or the time you burned me with your cigarette. Or...” 

“You’re not taking Matt out of the country.” 

“You don’t have any choice, Dale. Legally you’re not supposed to even be in this house.” 

“Fuck protection orders.” 

“Just like everything else, right, Dale?” she said bitterly. As he blinked at her she added, “It’s always been that the world had to revolve around Dale McNeil... that the rules never applied to him. That his wife had to say, how high? when he said jump... that...” Her voice trailed off as she gave him a look of disgust. “You’re not even worth hating.” 

“You can’t talk to me that way.” Was that uncertainty she saw in his eyes? Danielle merely cocked a brow at him and pretended to be casual while she sipped her coffee. 

“Yeah, only I am talking to you this way, in case you haven’t noticed.” 

He raised his arm as if to hit her and she steeled herself, making herself stay steady in front of him. 

“Go ahead,” she said softly. When he blinked she added, “Come on, dammit. Hit me! I’m sick and tired of not knowing when the blows are going to fall, so just hit me and get it over with. I can use the money from a lawsuit and sending you to prison would be the best thing that ever happened to me! Hit me!” She moved towards him and he retreated a couple of steps, lowering his arm as he did so. 

“What the hell has gotten into you?” he muttered. 

She chuckled mirthlessly. “You wouldn’t understand it if I told you.” 

Dale began slowly pacing a circle around her, his eyes narrowing as he regarded her coldly. “It’s another man, isn’t it?” 

Danielle shrugged and set her coffee cup on the counter. “Maybe.” 

“You’re mine, Dani.” His voice had the all-too familiar edge of jealousy to it. 

“I’m nobody’s... except my own.” 

“Who is he?” 

She lifted a brow at him and leaned against the counter. “Who he is definitely is not your concern. But, I will tell you something, Dale.” 

“What’s that?” 

“He makes me feel as though I’m loved, that I’m cherished, that I’m somebody special. He would never think of dragging me down so he could control me. You want to know something else, Dale? I’m in love with him.” 

“Figures. She tells him before she tells me.” 

Danielle gasped and whirled to the entrance leading from the living room to see John standing in the doorway, leaning lazily against the door jam as he regarded the scene before him. Her mouth opened but no sound came out as John pushed himself away from the door and moved forward, his expression almost unreadable. Another gasp came from Danielle as Justin walked in right behind him, then Jillian. _Oh, shit!_ she thought, her eyes widening when the two men towered over Dale, making him go swiftly in reverse as Jillian hurried up to her and put her arms around her sister. 

"You okay?” Jill asked softly. Danielle gave her a wry grin and shrugged. 

“Actually, the best I’ve been in a long time,” was her reply as she continued to watch her lover out of the corner of her eye. John seemed cool so far, but she had this feeling that underneath he was ready to snap. Something about his posture... about the hard look in his eyes as he regarded Dale... 

Her brother-in-law gave Dale one derisive look-over, then rolled his eyes and turned his attention to Danielle. “So, darlin,’ where’s that nephew of mine?” he asked, his eyes twinkling at her. “I think Jill and I ought to pay him a visit, don’t you?” 

Danielle gave him a look of gratitude and nodded at him. “Yeah, in his room. Jill knows the way.” 

“But...” Jill looked at her helplessly as Justin tucked her firmly under his arm. Danielle merely grinned and waved at her as Justin led her out of the kitchen. Thank God, she thought as she turned to face Dale again. 

“You have anything else to say before I have John show you the door?” she questioned. Dale merely snorted, spun on his heels and walked into the living room with John right behind him, his fists clenched into his hips. _Please, please, let Dale leave before John exploded,_ Danielle prayed silently as she opened the front door and waved Dale towards it. 

“Have a good life, Dale,” she told him, getting a scowl from him as he started to step through the door. He hesitated, then turned back to face her again, his lips curled with disdain. 

“Just couldn’t resist a little star-fucking, could you?” A gasp escaped her as he added, “Just like your sister. Both of you sleeping your way into the rich life.” 

Suddenly he was sprawled out across the hardwood floor, clutching at his jaw and moaning as John towered over him, fist drew back for a second blow as he moved forward. It seemed that everything moved in slow motion as she grabbed at John, only to have him wrench away from her, his lips curled into a snarl of rage. 

“Get up! Get up, you bloody filthy bastard so I can finish you off!” John grabbed Dale by the shirtfront and dragged him to his feet, shoving him against the door as he did so. “How dare you say such things about her? Goddammit, I ought to...” 

“Rocker, don’t do it.” 

_Thank God,_ Danielle thought, watching Justin as he grasped his friend by the shoulders and firmly pulled him back from Dale, his eyes delving into his best friend’s. She watched as the two gazed at each other for a moment, Justin’s grip remaining firm. 

“He’s not worth it, John.” 

John shuddered for a moment, then nodded as he released his grip on Dale, who promptly sagged against the door with relief. “Yeah, you’re right,” John muttered, barely noticing as Dale inched his way out the door. Danielle watched her ex-husband as he jammed his hands into his jeans pockets, gave her one last petulant glare, then turned and walked out the door for the safety of his car. _He was out of her life,_ she realized suddenly, her eyes widening at the thought. After over twenty years he was truly, finally gone. 

“Well.” Was Justin chuckling? “Got any coffee, Dani? I think your sister would love it if I took her a cup. Kid like cola?” 

“Uh, yeah, sure...” 

“In the refrigerator?” 

“Yeah.” 

After Justin left she took a deep breath, then moved to look out the window, sensing John as he stood behind her in silence. Before her lay the thaw of early March, the sky overcast, the ground partially covered with melting snow. _Hard to believe she’d just built a snowman with John a few days ago,_ she thought, taking in a deep breath, and then slowly letting it out. 

“Why did you leave like that?” John’s voice broke into her reverie. 

“I had to come back and take care of business. You know that.” 

“Yeah, but not even saying goodbye to me? Not at least letting me know what was going on?” At her silence he grasped her by the shoulders and turned her firmly to him, forcing her to meet his eyes. “Dammit, Dani, do you have any idea how much that hurt?” 

“I didn’t want to take you away from work... I...” 

“No, Dani, that’s not it and you know it. Let’s face it. You’re afraid. Afraid of relying on anybody for anything. Even love,” he added bitterly. 

“John, I...” 

“You know, it’s okay to rely on someone for love, as long as they rely on you in the same way. Give and take, love. Thing is, I don’t know if I can continue to be the one doing all the giving.” 

The silence in the air hung between them before he turned away, making her throat tighten inside. _Oh, God,_ she thought desperately. Had she just put everything in her past behind her only to lose John in the process? She closed her eyes and repressed a sob. 

“Mom?” 

_Great timing,_ she thought, swiftly turning to see Matthew standing in the hall entrance, Jillian’s hands on his shoulders as she tried to lead him back. Jill’s eyes locked with Danielle’s, then widened slightly as she looked over at John. 

“Matt, let’s go back...” 

“No, I was just leaving anyway,” John muttered. 

Danielle found her voice. “Matt, what is it, hon?” 

“Uncle Justin didn’t bring me a glass of ice with the coke. You know I have to have ice with my coke.” _Matt’s posture was nervous,_ she thought, realizing that the boy might have withdrawn some the past twenty-four hours, but he was still very sensitive to his surroundings. 

“Jill, it’s okay. Listen, can you and Justin...” 

“Sure.” Jill shrugged a little, and then retreated back into the hallway as Danielle moved into the kitchen. Moments later she heard the front door shut and she sagged against the counter, letting the tears slide down her cheeks. _He was gone,_ she thought, letting out a sob, and then another. Before long the sobs overwhelmed her and she sank into a chair, weeping uncontrollably. 

John walked out ahead of the Haywards, pretending not to notice the troubled looks that they were giving him. _He needed to think, dammit, but every time he tried his brain refused to work._ He swore softly as he made his way towards the car. 

“Aunt Jillian? Are you leaving?” 

“Yes, I am, dear. For now, anyway.” 

“Did you see my newest birdhouse?” 

John turned in time to see Matt leading his aunt and uncle across the front yard, pointing up to the trees as he did so. John let his gaze travel upwards then blinked slightly at the meticulously detailed birdhouses that resided up there. _The boy had built those?_ he thought. _Talented._ He recalled Danielle’s words about how Matt was good with his hands and had a fine eye for detail as he let his eyes follow the boy around the yard. Matt was an unusual kid, but there was one thing that John was certain of. The boy represented the purest kind of innocence, the kind that needed watched over and protected at any cost. No wonder Dani had rushed home to her son, he realized, his eyes widening. 

Slowly he ambled across the yard to come up next to Matt. He hesitated for a second, and then let his hand come to rest on the boy’s shoulder. Immediately Matt turned to flick his eyes up at him, then away, his hands coming up to flutter briefly at the corners of his eyes before he lowered them. 

“See the windmill I made?” Matt pointed up to a brightly colored wooden windmill that twirled in the breeze, his other hand fluttering by his eyes again. “I love to watch things spin. Makes me feel good. Mom told me once that autistic people like to watch things spin. She’s right.” He giggled. “I’m autistic and I love to watch things spin.” 

John found himself chuckling with the boy as Matt led him over to another windmill, then another, chattering excitedly and flicking his fingers by his eyes. _God, how could anyone not love this child?_ he thought as he moved his hand to Matt’s opposite shoulder and draped his arm around him. Even the peculiar mannerisms that Matt used were endearing. 

John heard the front door open and took a deep breath as he sensed Danielle’s eyes upon him. Slowly he turned his head, and then froze at the sight of her hurriedly wiping at her cheeks. _She’d been crying,_ he thought, letting his eyes delve into hers. 

“Matt, you need to come in.” Her voice was husky before she cleared her throat and tried again. “They’re getting ready to leave and...” Her voice trailed off and she wiped at her eyes again, making his throat tighten at the sight. 

“Yes, Mom,” was Matt’s mechanical reply as he reluctantly started towards the house. John hesitated for a fraction of a second, then followed him, his eyes not leaving Danielle’s for one moment as he slowly advanced toward the porch, feeling his heart thud in his chest as he drew nearer to her. The tears were glistening on her cheeks and her eyes were swollen and red. Slowly he reached up and wiped at her cheeks tenderly, feeling her shudder beneath his touch. 

“You’ve been crying,” he said softly, getting a nod from her. “Why, love?” 

“Because I don’t want you to leave,” was her reply, her voice raspy with the tears she’d been shedding. 

“Why?” He let his eyes delve deeply into hers as his face neared hers. “Why don’t you want me to leave?” 

“Because I love you and...” 

“And what, sweetheart?” 

“And I need you.” 

Swiftly his hands slid down to her waist and drew her to him, making her gasp, then let out another one as his mouth came down on hers. He felt her tears brush against his cheek as he kissed her, his mouth slanting across hers as his hands slid up and down her backside. 

“God, baby, I need you, too. Need you so badly,” he muttered against her lips. “When you left I felt like I was dying inside, like a part of me had left.” 

“Oh, John, I’m so sorry...” 

He kissed her again, this time his tongue stroking hers as his hands cupped her behind and molded her to him, thrusting his arousal against her abdomen. Immediately she moaned, clutching her hands into his hair, her nipples hardening against the rock wall of his chest as she clung to him. His arousal sharpened and he realized that before long he was going to embarrass both of them. No matter. He’d get rid of everyone and get her inside, then take her, as fast and furious or slow and sweet as she would want it. 

“Mom, are you going to marry John?” Matt’s voice made them both break off the kiss, Danielle’s cheeks flushing with embarrassment. John blinked, then reached to caress her cheek, his lips a mere breath from hers. Suddenly he grinned and Danielle felt as though the sun had broke through the clouds. 

“Well, are you?” he asked, his eyes suddenly twinkling with mischief. She continued to gaze up at him, letting her fingertips trace up and down his cheek, enjoying the way he dropped a soft kiss in the center of her palm. _Dear God, how could even think of not living the rest of her life with him?_ she thought giddily. 

“You know, I think that sounds pretty nice,” she said softly, watching as John’s features lit up with joy. He dropped a quick kiss on her forehead, and then held her tightly to him as the Haywards finally approached them from the other end of the yard where they’d watched the entire scenario. 

“You know, you guys don’t need either of us around,” Jill said softly as she dashed a few tears from her cheeks. “What do you say Justin and I make off with Matt for awhile so you two can talk?” 

“Talk. Right.” Justin snickered softly, getting an elbow in his side for his pains. “So, Matt, want to go to the arcade or something?” 

Matt shook his head. “The train yard.” 

“Huh?” Justin blinked, getting a low chuckle from his wife. 

“Yes. The depot down on Forty-Fifth Street. I’m wanting to build more cars for my train set.” 

“The train yard it is, then,” Justin replied, rubbing his hand over his forehead. “This ought to be real, real interesting,” he added sarcastically, getting another jab from Jillian. “Ow! I assume your Aunt Jillian knows the way, right?” 

Their voices faded as the three moved towards the car, leaving the couple on the front porch to gaze after them. As the car pulled out of the drive Danielle turned to find John gazing at her hungrily. Slowly he backed her towards the door, then through it and inside, his mouth descending onto hers even as the door was shut and locked behind them. 

“Need you, sweetheart,” he said thickly against her mouth, letting his hands roam over her. “Need to be in you so damn bad...” 

“John...” 

Her hands tugged frantically at his leather jacket while his reached to slide her shirt up over her shoulders and off. Her slacks and undergarments followed and she gasped as he lifted her up against him, then lowered her back onto the sofa and knelt on the floor between her thighs, his mouth working hungrily over hers as she unzipped his jeans and pulled him to her, her hands reaching down to stroke him. 

“John, please... now...” 

“Yes.” He filled her and she cried out, letting her hands slide around to cup his behind and pull him more deeply into her. Their joining was frantic, full of desperate need for each other as he began to stroke, his hands roaming greedily over her, arching her back so he could lick a hot trail down to her breasts. He drew one throbbing nipple into his mouth and she groaned, her nails digging into his buttocks before sliding up to work frantically at the buttons on his shirt. 

“Need your skin,” she said hoarsely, a whimper escaping her as he drove more deeply into her. He hastily yanked his shirt off, and then moaned when her mouth found his chest, her tongue moving from one nipple to the other as her hands cupped his behind again. 

“God, love, what you do to me...” He paused to rotate his hips, then reached down to lift up on her. “Hold on, sweetheart. It’s going to get...” 

A strangled cry escaped her as he nearly lifted her off of the sofa and began thrusting more deep, touching the very depths of her soul with each time he filled her. A wild, rushing climax swept through her and she screamed with it, dragging her nails down his back as she met each thrust with one of her own. God, she was so lovely when she did that, he thought, taking in the way she arched up into him, how hot and pliant and soft she was. He threw his head back and groaned wildly as he ground into her, his breathing growing more erratic as his climax drew near. 

“God, Danielle...” 

“Yes, John... yes, harder, please...” 

His hips jerked and he let out a hoarse cry at the same moment that she arched into him and began to convulse, tears streaking down her cheeks with the force of her orgasm. They both clung to each other, trembling, whispering soft endearments before John lifted his head to gaze into her eyes, his hands smoothing her hair. 

“I’m getting too old for this shit,” he muttered, making her blink at him. “My knees can’t take this hardwood floor of yours.” 

Immediately she chuckled, getting a grin from him in return as he pulled back and got to his feet, extending his hand out to her in invitation. “What do you say we move to a location that won’t make the arthritis act up,” he teased, getting a soft laugh from her as she let him pull her to her feet and up into his arms. Still laughing, they clung to each other as they moved into the bedroom. John hastily stripped off his jeans and underwear, kicking off his shoes at the same time before coming down next to her on the bed, where he began slowly, deliciously making love to her again. 

* * *

Epilogue: March, 1994 Lake Tahoe, Nevada 

Danielle Lodge took a deep breath, and then walked out onto the stage with Tracy, feeling her heart slam into her chest as the applause greeted them. She cheerfully waved, her diamond wedding ring glistening in the spotlights as she moved to the platform behind Jillian’s keyboards. Next was Jillian Matthews-Hayward, wearing a black leather bustier and tight spandex leggings, getting a series of wolf whistles as she winked at the audience and took her place behind the keyboards, giving her sister a thumbs-up as she did so. Soon followed Gordon, then Paul, then finally the band, starting with Graeme, then Ray, each getting thundering applause as they waved at the audience and took their places. 

Then, Danielle’s husband came out to screams, getting a wave in return as the guitar roadie handed him his bass guitar and hooked him up to the belt pack. He looked over at Danielle and grinned crazily at her, blowing her a kiss and getting a wave and a giggle in return. 

“Oh, John,” she said softly, feeling her heart swell as she gazed across the stage into his eyes. It was hard to believe that a few weeks ago she had been so alone in the world, and so lost. _Now..._ she blinked back tears and smiled at him, getting one in return just as Justin walked out to mass hysteria. The roadie handed Justin his acoustic guitar and hooked him up as he winked at his wife, who promptly stuck her tongue out at him, getting laughter across the first few rows. 

“You’ll have to excuse all of this loving affection that my wife gives me up here,” Jutins said sarcastically, getting laughter from the crowd. “She just can’t control herself where I’m concerned.” 

“That’s because you’re so hot!” one woman called from the crowd, getting laughter as he grinned in return and quickly ran his fingers over the guitar, making sure it was perfectly in tune. 

“One, two, three...” 

As the tune of “Tuesday Afternoon” swept through the showroom at Caesar’s Palace Danielle felt herself flow into the performance, her vocals in perfect tune with everyone else’s as her eyes slid across the first few rows. Matt was already dancing, she thought, watching as Mark stood up to join him, camera in hand. Immediately an usher said something to Mark, pointing at the camera and getting a reprimand from Jill. _There was no way one usher was going to deprive her brother of the joy of taking pictures of his sisters performing,_ Danielle thought, noting with relief that the usher threw up his hands and walked away. 

As she joined in the backup vocals after the bridge she felt a sudden rush of love flowing over her. She brought her head around to find that John was gazing at her with warmth and love written all over his features before he returned his attention to the audience at his feet and the women who adored him. _Not to mention the woman a few feet away from him on the stage,_ she thought contentedly as she let herself be swept away into the magic of the night.


End file.
